Chains are DANGEROUS!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Monday, August 14, 2006
It's a Monday - The Daily Blunder
Weather: Rainy, 52 degrees F. 16 miles round trip, saved 1 gallon of gas and $3. Only $1586 more to go before I offset cost of my bike, gear and clothing. Damn, commuting IS worth it!
Got up nice and early today. I had been trying to figure out how to keep my long hair dry in the rain. I came up with a winner idea: My long hair is too long to put up in my helmet or tucked in a helmet/head liner. I figured I would put it is it's usual ponytail, then I would wrap the ponytail in plastic wrap, such as Saran Wrap. I would then secure it with another ponytail band. Damn, I get GREAT ideas when I can't sleep. I didn't do it today, instead I grabbed a shower cap. Yeah, tuck everything into a shower cap, it's baggier than the helmet liner and my hair won't be soaked with rainwater but I'm sure it would be soaked with sweat from the mini-showercap sauna. Suggestions for this problem are welcome...
Prepacked my work clothes and lunch last night. Hard rain had slowed to a drizzle. I added my bike rack, Topeak Trunk, blinky light for the rear and light in the front, put on my waterproof jacket, backpack and dayglo saftey vest sized for a full-keg beer belly. I changed out my pedals back to my SPD/platform style and dug out my shimano mountain bike shoes so my feet would stay drier. Cliping in and out of the SPD's is SOOO much easier than the Look style pedals. I will have to figure out what is going on with those pedals, probably over the winter.
Everything going great, feeling good and strong for the 8 mile ride with the hills I sometimes dread. I have to remind myself I CAN DO IT, I CAN MAKE IT UP THE HILLS. I get to where I have to cross a pretty big road, all is great and well. I clip out with my right foot, leave the left clipped in. I have done this hundreds of times but this is the FIRST TIME clipping out with a trunk rack!! My bike is now top-heavy. I immediately start falling to the left due to the top-heavy weight. Oh shit, I think as I land in the road I'm following. A guy in a truck is watching me, freaking out. I realize this, jump up, give him a smile and a double "thumbs up, EVERYTHING IS OK!". No pain, no injury, just stupidity. This is the FIRST TIME I have ever fallen due to being clipped in. I was thinking it won't happen to me, I'm too "aware". Well, I was fully aware of what was happening, so yeah, aware isn't always where it's at. The rest of the ride is uneventful until I decide to take a shortcut and realize I'm about to go off a curb, evasive manuever follows. Fortunately I was able to pull out. Gotta pay better attention.
Driver's on my ride home are much meaner. They have a bad 'Tude after working all day and rainy weather makes them grumpier. Am I that way behind the wheel?? I don't think so. Young guys are the worst drivers to encounter- late teens, early 20's. They are assholes.
Looking forward to tomorrows ride! I plan on not falling and watching out for curbs that jump out from nowhere.
Got up nice and early today. I had been trying to figure out how to keep my long hair dry in the rain. I came up with a winner idea: My long hair is too long to put up in my helmet or tucked in a helmet/head liner. I figured I would put it is it's usual ponytail, then I would wrap the ponytail in plastic wrap, such as Saran Wrap. I would then secure it with another ponytail band. Damn, I get GREAT ideas when I can't sleep. I didn't do it today, instead I grabbed a shower cap. Yeah, tuck everything into a shower cap, it's baggier than the helmet liner and my hair won't be soaked with rainwater but I'm sure it would be soaked with sweat from the mini-showercap sauna. Suggestions for this problem are welcome...
Prepacked my work clothes and lunch last night. Hard rain had slowed to a drizzle. I added my bike rack, Topeak Trunk, blinky light for the rear and light in the front, put on my waterproof jacket, backpack and dayglo saftey vest sized for a full-keg beer belly. I changed out my pedals back to my SPD/platform style and dug out my shimano mountain bike shoes so my feet would stay drier. Cliping in and out of the SPD's is SOOO much easier than the Look style pedals. I will have to figure out what is going on with those pedals, probably over the winter.
Everything going great, feeling good and strong for the 8 mile ride with the hills I sometimes dread. I have to remind myself I CAN DO IT, I CAN MAKE IT UP THE HILLS. I get to where I have to cross a pretty big road, all is great and well. I clip out with my right foot, leave the left clipped in. I have done this hundreds of times but this is the FIRST TIME clipping out with a trunk rack!! My bike is now top-heavy. I immediately start falling to the left due to the top-heavy weight. Oh shit, I think as I land in the road I'm following. A guy in a truck is watching me, freaking out. I realize this, jump up, give him a smile and a double "thumbs up, EVERYTHING IS OK!". No pain, no injury, just stupidity. This is the FIRST TIME I have ever fallen due to being clipped in. I was thinking it won't happen to me, I'm too "aware". Well, I was fully aware of what was happening, so yeah, aware isn't always where it's at. The rest of the ride is uneventful until I decide to take a shortcut and realize I'm about to go off a curb, evasive manuever follows. Fortunately I was able to pull out. Gotta pay better attention.
Driver's on my ride home are much meaner. They have a bad 'Tude after working all day and rainy weather makes them grumpier. Am I that way behind the wheel?? I don't think so. Young guys are the worst drivers to encounter- late teens, early 20's. They are assholes.
Looking forward to tomorrows ride! I plan on not falling and watching out for curbs that jump out from nowhere.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
I'm Commuting - I'm offically a FREAK.
I started riding my road bike to work, at least half way to work. There is no way to get to the Park-n-Ride unless I ride the freeway, I'm not going to do that. So I load up my truck, ride 7 miles to the Park-N-Ride on the Parks HWY. Then I ride from there to my office 7.65 miles. It's gots some fairly decent hills up into Wasilla. I'm enjoying it but a few things would make it better. The bike path needs to be swept badly. There are sections where you can't even tell it's a paved path, it's so covered with gravel from 4-wheeler's shooting it all over the place when they spin out. There also is a 90 degree corner, which is actually shared with part of an on-ramp to freeway. The vehicles cut the corner, there is no more "lane" paint, so they just ride right onto the path. On my ride home, I come down a hill, opposite direction of the traffic on this on-ramp. Vehicles can't see me coming at this 90 degree corner, they are concentrating on driving. So I quickly figured out that I have to actually STOP, right at the end of this nice long hill, look for on-coming vehicles before continuing on. I don't blame the drivers, it's a bad design to combine a bike path and 90 degree turn onto an on-ramp. I called the State Dept of Transporation, asking if they will sweep off the bike path. I got a feeble response, I don't think it will happen. I'm going to see if Captain Balance might run his snowplow over the worst area, I think the gravel is too thick, big and heavy for a sweeper. It would fling golf ball size rocks like crazy. We will see. Maybe I will just get out the snow shovel and spend the weekend shoveling gravel.
I also need to figure out a better way to carry my lunch and clothing. I don't like the backpack. It's awkward and heavy, depending of how much food I bring for lunch :)
I have had some interesting comments from my co-workers since I started this. One lady told me I was "inspirational". I said "Really???" I wouldn't have thought of that. Most people come up to me and ask me "WHY??", I just say I'm a freak, willing to give up an hour of sleep so I can ride and they seem satified with that - Ha. Another lady, who's son was a pro-road racer in Europe and a long time road rider regularly asks me where I'm riding. I have discovered a few nice route for lunch-time, weekend long rides and quick hill rides. After hearing about my current commuting route, she thanked me for sharing my routes and said she likes the way I think. She said she never even considered the routes I take and she is going to check out a few more of them. The reality of Alaska, there aren't many routes, you have to look for them. She told me she has started riding more since discovering these routes. Cool!
The weather is really bad tonight and not looking good for tomorrow so I'm not sure if I will ride tomorrow. It was supposed to pour rain today, so I drove to work, it rained for an hour then nothing. I was a bit bothered so I put the bike on the trainer and did an easy short session.
I'm a little concerned with my road bike pounding over the potholes and cracks in the sidewalks/cross walks in Wasilla. I try to "float" my bike over as much as possible but there are still quite a bit of hits. I don't want to damage it. I wish I had a cyclocross or some other commuter type.
I was inspecting my bike a bit today as I was putting it in the trainer. I noticed my rear tire was toward the left chainstay. Turns out my rear tire skewer on the right side was not all the way in the dropout. Now how did that happen?? I haven't taken off my rear tire EVER that I can remember (no flats!!!). So I got it all where it should be, had to then adjust the rear brake so it didn't run on the newly centered rim. I will have to tighten up the quick release, maybe it loosened up with all the riding.
I give my commuting a 4 BUG rating. I need to also figure out a way to keep my hair from getting a terminal case of helmet/helmet liner head. It's tough being a girl sometimes - :)
I also need to figure out a better way to carry my lunch and clothing. I don't like the backpack. It's awkward and heavy, depending of how much food I bring for lunch :)
I have had some interesting comments from my co-workers since I started this. One lady told me I was "inspirational". I said "Really???" I wouldn't have thought of that. Most people come up to me and ask me "WHY??", I just say I'm a freak, willing to give up an hour of sleep so I can ride and they seem satified with that - Ha. Another lady, who's son was a pro-road racer in Europe and a long time road rider regularly asks me where I'm riding. I have discovered a few nice route for lunch-time, weekend long rides and quick hill rides. After hearing about my current commuting route, she thanked me for sharing my routes and said she likes the way I think. She said she never even considered the routes I take and she is going to check out a few more of them. The reality of Alaska, there aren't many routes, you have to look for them. She told me she has started riding more since discovering these routes. Cool!
The weather is really bad tonight and not looking good for tomorrow so I'm not sure if I will ride tomorrow. It was supposed to pour rain today, so I drove to work, it rained for an hour then nothing. I was a bit bothered so I put the bike on the trainer and did an easy short session.
I'm a little concerned with my road bike pounding over the potholes and cracks in the sidewalks/cross walks in Wasilla. I try to "float" my bike over as much as possible but there are still quite a bit of hits. I don't want to damage it. I wish I had a cyclocross or some other commuter type.
I was inspecting my bike a bit today as I was putting it in the trainer. I noticed my rear tire was toward the left chainstay. Turns out my rear tire skewer on the right side was not all the way in the dropout. Now how did that happen?? I haven't taken off my rear tire EVER that I can remember (no flats!!!). So I got it all where it should be, had to then adjust the rear brake so it didn't run on the newly centered rim. I will have to tighten up the quick release, maybe it loosened up with all the riding.
I give my commuting a 4 BUG rating. I need to also figure out a way to keep my hair from getting a terminal case of helmet/helmet liner head. It's tough being a girl sometimes - :)
Sunday, August 06, 2006
4 Bug Ride
A while back, I started rating my rides by how many bugs I end up eating. I observed that the more bugs I end up actually eating, the better the ride. The method has proven to not to be the most accurate but I like it anyway.
Johnson Pass is where this really came into play for me. The ride was short, as we had to be in Hope, AK, and only had a few hours to ride. That ride was easily the most beautiful so far. I also ate the biggest bug to date on that ride. I have never seen so many moths before. I'm talking Alaskan moths, not the gigantic, freak moths that I have seen down south. These were white and fluttery moths, the kind that remind you of fairies (oh, whatever). There were CLOUDS of them at times. Splattering all over my face and body. Getting in the vents of my helmet. At one point, a moth hit me in the mouth and it's wing stuck to my lip which I had applied lip balm to. I'm riding along swiftly, an area I needed both hands on the bars. I tried to blow it off, did all sorts of lip contortions to unstick it, it wouldn't budge. It's pretty much a reflex to lick your lips when something is on it, I realized I licked my lip at one point, now the moth is stuck to my tongue. I tried spitting it off without actually taking the moth into my mouth, didn't work. So I just brought it right in and swallowed it right down. Rather tasteless, sort of a hint of dust flavor. That was the only moth on that ride, I ate some gnats along the way. That ride got a 5 BUG rating.
Yesterday I did a 50 mile road ride from my house, through Palmer, up the Palmer/Wasilla Highway, through Wasilla, down the Parks highway to the Trunk Road Park and Ride, then turned round and came back the same way. It was a good ride, I give it a 4 Bug rating. I didn't actually EAT any bugs on this ride, road riding has much less bug encounters than mountain biking. This is a good route because there are hills and I don't have to get on the road too much, it has a nice bike path the whole way. The only time I have to get on the road is where the 4-wheelers have kicked up soo much gravel onto the path that you can't even see any pavement. It just looks like pure gravel. Not good for my skinny road tires. I'm beginning to really be disgusted with 4-wheeler riders. I ran into a rainstorm at mile 30. It was a really cold rain (this is Alaska, we don't have WARM rain). I got soaked totally through to my skin and within about 10 minutes of this, my thighs were numb. Yep, totally numb. I couldn't feel my shorts. I could feel them further up towards my torso which fooled my brain into thinking my shorts had ridden up my legs. It felt like I needed to pull them back down over my thighs. So I would look down, there they were, right where they were supposed to be. It was a weird mind/body disconnect thing. I finally got through the rain but wasn't able to warm up much. It would have been a 5 bug rating (the highest) if not for the rain.
Last weekend we took our ancient motorhome up to Gunsite Mountain/Eureka. The plan was to ride along Squaw Creek to Caribou Creek, into the back mountain valleys. It was supposed to be an easy ride but 4-wheelers have taken over the trail and have destroyed it. Mud bogs which are 3-4 feet deep, full of muddy, slick water even though it had not rained in awhile. The 4-wheelers get into a rut they created and then they spin out, making it worse, so they can get out of the ruts. The trail is getting wider, muddier and ruttier. We had to carry out bikes through a lot of brush a few times. Captain Balance had 1 crash when his tires slid sideways off a berm, he fell the opposite way down about 3 1/2 feet into one of the bogs which had a log under the water. He had a very sore thigh after that one. The weather turned bad, we turned around. That was a 1 Bug ride.
Its getting dark at night here, a sign that summer will soon be over. It's too short sometimes. I will be flying out in September to your remote cabin for Caribou hunting (we eat it and live off it, it's not for sport. That's life in Alaska. Dont judge it if you don't understand it). I may do a 5K run in a few weeks, I haven't decided. I blew off the last one for the Squaw Creek ride.
Time to think about winter riding.
Johnson Pass is where this really came into play for me. The ride was short, as we had to be in Hope, AK, and only had a few hours to ride. That ride was easily the most beautiful so far. I also ate the biggest bug to date on that ride. I have never seen so many moths before. I'm talking Alaskan moths, not the gigantic, freak moths that I have seen down south. These were white and fluttery moths, the kind that remind you of fairies (oh, whatever). There were CLOUDS of them at times. Splattering all over my face and body. Getting in the vents of my helmet. At one point, a moth hit me in the mouth and it's wing stuck to my lip which I had applied lip balm to. I'm riding along swiftly, an area I needed both hands on the bars. I tried to blow it off, did all sorts of lip contortions to unstick it, it wouldn't budge. It's pretty much a reflex to lick your lips when something is on it, I realized I licked my lip at one point, now the moth is stuck to my tongue. I tried spitting it off without actually taking the moth into my mouth, didn't work. So I just brought it right in and swallowed it right down. Rather tasteless, sort of a hint of dust flavor. That was the only moth on that ride, I ate some gnats along the way. That ride got a 5 BUG rating.
Yesterday I did a 50 mile road ride from my house, through Palmer, up the Palmer/Wasilla Highway, through Wasilla, down the Parks highway to the Trunk Road Park and Ride, then turned round and came back the same way. It was a good ride, I give it a 4 Bug rating. I didn't actually EAT any bugs on this ride, road riding has much less bug encounters than mountain biking. This is a good route because there are hills and I don't have to get on the road too much, it has a nice bike path the whole way. The only time I have to get on the road is where the 4-wheelers have kicked up soo much gravel onto the path that you can't even see any pavement. It just looks like pure gravel. Not good for my skinny road tires. I'm beginning to really be disgusted with 4-wheeler riders. I ran into a rainstorm at mile 30. It was a really cold rain (this is Alaska, we don't have WARM rain). I got soaked totally through to my skin and within about 10 minutes of this, my thighs were numb. Yep, totally numb. I couldn't feel my shorts. I could feel them further up towards my torso which fooled my brain into thinking my shorts had ridden up my legs. It felt like I needed to pull them back down over my thighs. So I would look down, there they were, right where they were supposed to be. It was a weird mind/body disconnect thing. I finally got through the rain but wasn't able to warm up much. It would have been a 5 bug rating (the highest) if not for the rain.
Last weekend we took our ancient motorhome up to Gunsite Mountain/Eureka. The plan was to ride along Squaw Creek to Caribou Creek, into the back mountain valleys. It was supposed to be an easy ride but 4-wheelers have taken over the trail and have destroyed it. Mud bogs which are 3-4 feet deep, full of muddy, slick water even though it had not rained in awhile. The 4-wheelers get into a rut they created and then they spin out, making it worse, so they can get out of the ruts. The trail is getting wider, muddier and ruttier. We had to carry out bikes through a lot of brush a few times. Captain Balance had 1 crash when his tires slid sideways off a berm, he fell the opposite way down about 3 1/2 feet into one of the bogs which had a log under the water. He had a very sore thigh after that one. The weather turned bad, we turned around. That was a 1 Bug ride.
Its getting dark at night here, a sign that summer will soon be over. It's too short sometimes. I will be flying out in September to your remote cabin for Caribou hunting (we eat it and live off it, it's not for sport. That's life in Alaska. Dont judge it if you don't understand it). I may do a 5K run in a few weeks, I haven't decided. I blew off the last one for the Squaw Creek ride.
Time to think about winter riding.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
My fumblings and bumblings but I get it in the end or how I got unstuck from my bike
I recently was given clipless road pedals for my road bike. I bought some shoes a while back, $225 Sidi shoes on clearance at REI for $80. The only pair, women's and just my size. It was fate, it was meant to be, I could not pass up that bargain, I had to buy them.
I have been riding the 2 sided Shimano SPD "campus" style pedals, one side clips in, the other is like a reg pedal and Shimano shoes that look like normal, albeit ugly, shoes. Worked great but I am ready to move to the tinkerbell looking road shoes. So Sunday I swap the pedals. I mount the cleats on the shoes and clip in. I didn't tighten the cleats fully so I could center them. That's when the trouble began. I tried to clip out, the cleats slid because they weren't tighten enough to the shoe. I twist and twist both feet, no luck. Next I reach down to unbuckle the shoes. Nothing happens. I try the other shoe, nothing again.
These shoes have a ratchet mechanicism with a red lever on the sides of the ratchet to release it. The instructions say to "push" the red lever. I push and push, this way and that, nothing happens. I'm totally stuck to my bike and stuck in my shoes. I'm leaning against my couch and between the couch and the wall. I don't want my husband to come in and find me cuz then he will know....yeah, that's right, it doesn't make sense but that's the way it is. So I'm in a situtation. I'm comtemplating how to ride backwards as I can't go forwards, to get to my tools on the floor behind me and cut off my shoes or remove the pedals without breaking a bone or something. This goes on for a few minutes. I decided to slid off on to the back of the couch, a mistake, because my legs aren't as multi-jointed as that requires. I get back on the bike. I cuss.. I decided to work on the red lever again and this time I press DOWN and just like that, I'm released from my shoe!!!! I couldn't BELIEVE it, how could I miss that?? I get the instructions that came with the shoe, it just says to press to release. No directions on WHICH WAY to press. It didn't look like it could be pressed DOWN, but yes, that is how it works and it works great.....needless to say, it was not one of my brightest moments. I started laughing so hard at myself, it still makes me chuckle. I was ready to dismantle these shoes or take apart my bike while I was still on it...yeah, that's right, it doesn't make sense but that's the way it is.
So I'm feeling alright now. I take the bike out for a ride and it's still difficult to clip out of, the pedals are soo tight. I loosen the tension until I'm afraid they may fall apart and even grease them up where the cleats clip in. I go for a ride, I can clip out but it still requires a concentrated effort and much harder than my SPD's.
I seek out advice on the bike forums. Some people think these Look-style pedals require you to twist your foot IN towards the bike, SPD twists OUT away from the bike. I have been twisting OUT. Got the directions again, it just says to twist, no directions on which way to twist. Tried it out and yes, it comes right out easily. Yeah, that's right! Now EVERYTHING is right.
I have been riding the 2 sided Shimano SPD "campus" style pedals, one side clips in, the other is like a reg pedal and Shimano shoes that look like normal, albeit ugly, shoes. Worked great but I am ready to move to the tinkerbell looking road shoes. So Sunday I swap the pedals. I mount the cleats on the shoes and clip in. I didn't tighten the cleats fully so I could center them. That's when the trouble began. I tried to clip out, the cleats slid because they weren't tighten enough to the shoe. I twist and twist both feet, no luck. Next I reach down to unbuckle the shoes. Nothing happens. I try the other shoe, nothing again.
These shoes have a ratchet mechanicism with a red lever on the sides of the ratchet to release it. The instructions say to "push" the red lever. I push and push, this way and that, nothing happens. I'm totally stuck to my bike and stuck in my shoes. I'm leaning against my couch and between the couch and the wall. I don't want my husband to come in and find me cuz then he will know....yeah, that's right, it doesn't make sense but that's the way it is. So I'm in a situtation. I'm comtemplating how to ride backwards as I can't go forwards, to get to my tools on the floor behind me and cut off my shoes or remove the pedals without breaking a bone or something. This goes on for a few minutes. I decided to slid off on to the back of the couch, a mistake, because my legs aren't as multi-jointed as that requires. I get back on the bike. I cuss.. I decided to work on the red lever again and this time I press DOWN and just like that, I'm released from my shoe!!!! I couldn't BELIEVE it, how could I miss that?? I get the instructions that came with the shoe, it just says to press to release. No directions on WHICH WAY to press. It didn't look like it could be pressed DOWN, but yes, that is how it works and it works great.....needless to say, it was not one of my brightest moments. I started laughing so hard at myself, it still makes me chuckle. I was ready to dismantle these shoes or take apart my bike while I was still on it...yeah, that's right, it doesn't make sense but that's the way it is.
So I'm feeling alright now. I take the bike out for a ride and it's still difficult to clip out of, the pedals are soo tight. I loosen the tension until I'm afraid they may fall apart and even grease them up where the cleats clip in. I go for a ride, I can clip out but it still requires a concentrated effort and much harder than my SPD's.
I seek out advice on the bike forums. Some people think these Look-style pedals require you to twist your foot IN towards the bike, SPD twists OUT away from the bike. I have been twisting OUT. Got the directions again, it just says to twist, no directions on which way to twist. Tried it out and yes, it comes right out easily. Yeah, that's right! Now EVERYTHING is right.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Friday, July 21, 2006
My yearly reflection
I've started running again. My shoulder can finally handle the bouncing (most of the time) doesn't feel like it will dislocate. I am thinking of running a 5K in Anchorage next weekend. So as I sweat and gasp on my treadmill, my mind wanders. It wanders to back to what I used to be. I used to really be something, compared to what I am now and I miss that part of me, damn it. My birthday always stirs up musty memories that I only allow myself to think about 1 time a year, commenting about it out loud only 1 time (this is the time) and then sweep it back under the rug.
I used to rock climb. It was hard for me because I have always been afraid of heights and would get the vertigo thing happening, and because is was hard for me is why I started climbing in the 1st place. I had plans to learn to sky dive. I hiked Ressurection Pass with a pack that was almost half my body weight. I ran fast, worked hard, took care of my family and was living a strong life.
Then my body started failing. Slowly, slowly at 1st. Weird things, like my hearing started to fail. Then vertigo would hit at the most awful time, like driving down the road at 65 miles per hr. I got my ears check, turned out I had a condition called Otosclerosis which fuses the middle ear bones together so no sound is passed on to the inner ear. I started wearing hearing aids, which sucked. If I had been anywhere else but Alaska, I probably would have immediately been evaluated for surgery which replaces the stapes bone with a titanium piston and been good to go. But no, I spent 10 years going profoundly deaf without hearing aids, getting stronger and stronger aids every year until finally my audiologist, going against professional ethics or something silly, told me that there WAS help for me and told me about the House Ear Clinic in L.A. The doctors here in Alaska NEVER told me there was a fix, NEVER A WORD. They told me my only option was hearing aids. I did research then asked my Dr. about the surgery, he said he knew about it and has even participated in the surgery a "few dozen times". So why was I never told about it?? It's just not a common procedure here in Alaska was the answer. But he could do it and so we started talking about it. It would mean putting me under, take about 6 hrs, recovery time about 6 weeks, blah blah blah. At the House Ear Clinic, they pioneered this surgery, total time is about 40 minutes with laser and you can jump on a plane 48 hrs later. I elected to go to LA. When I told my Dr. he was mad and told me he will refuse me as a patient if I go down there. I told him that is no loss for me as he let me go deaf for 10 fucking years when it was not necessary and I don't have confidence in his surgical skills or that he is concerned about providing the best care for his patients. Dr. E is more ego than physican. I went to LA 3 years ago, had both ears done (not at the same time) and I can hear again, not totally normal but I'm damn happy with the results.
The other thing I think about is the day I ended up in the emergency room (07/04/95) thinking I may be having a stroke or something. I had been feeling REALLY bad, sick, dizzy, head hurting, limbs not working, weak, weak, weak. Something was not right, hadn't been for awhile but this was worse than ever. Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis on 07/07/95, my birthday. Turned into a semi-vegetable. Took a long time to recover. Lost myself physically, didn't even look the same, medications made me look like the Stay-Puff marshmallow guy. Husband split, couldn't handle the new, sick me. Dr's said I was weak and frail and do NOT excercise or do ANYTHING stressfull and wrote perscriptions for everything from sleeping pills, anti-depressants to pain meds to stumulants. I refused them all except for the actual medication for MS itself. Last thing I needed to be was a junkie. Started on MS med which was a low-dose cancer chemotherapy drug, made me sick EVERY DAY, hair loss, liver out of whack.
Quit that med, quit the doctors, quit the ms self help groups, quit the social security disability process, started working again, went back to school, gathered my kids close to me, reached for a little of who I used to be. Became weak and frail phycially, but strong in spirit. A different, more mature strength than I had before.
Met a guy, told him the 1st time he took me to lunch about me, laid it all out, I wasn't going to let anyone get close to me without knowing EXACTLY what I was. I will never forget the look on his face, the color drained totally out of his face, I have never seen anything like that. I said thank you for his time and lunch and walked away. But it was good, because I'm not much for bullshit and didn't have any interest in games or relationships. I had myself and my kids to take care of. I had no time for anyone else. He called me a few days later and kept on calling. I found a dr that was ok with not making me into a junkie and a MS drug that didn't make me sick. Started living again.
So my life has come in a circle, not a full circle, more of a spiral. I remember how phyically strong I used to be and I miss it. I know what I was and what I now am. I know running and biking would be a much different experience for me if I still had that physical strength. But part of the old me still remains. Like the rock climbing I used to do and the running and biking I do now, I have returned to doing things because they are hard to do...and Life Is Good.
I used to rock climb. It was hard for me because I have always been afraid of heights and would get the vertigo thing happening, and because is was hard for me is why I started climbing in the 1st place. I had plans to learn to sky dive. I hiked Ressurection Pass with a pack that was almost half my body weight. I ran fast, worked hard, took care of my family and was living a strong life.
Then my body started failing. Slowly, slowly at 1st. Weird things, like my hearing started to fail. Then vertigo would hit at the most awful time, like driving down the road at 65 miles per hr. I got my ears check, turned out I had a condition called Otosclerosis which fuses the middle ear bones together so no sound is passed on to the inner ear. I started wearing hearing aids, which sucked. If I had been anywhere else but Alaska, I probably would have immediately been evaluated for surgery which replaces the stapes bone with a titanium piston and been good to go. But no, I spent 10 years going profoundly deaf without hearing aids, getting stronger and stronger aids every year until finally my audiologist, going against professional ethics or something silly, told me that there WAS help for me and told me about the House Ear Clinic in L.A. The doctors here in Alaska NEVER told me there was a fix, NEVER A WORD. They told me my only option was hearing aids. I did research then asked my Dr. about the surgery, he said he knew about it and has even participated in the surgery a "few dozen times". So why was I never told about it?? It's just not a common procedure here in Alaska was the answer. But he could do it and so we started talking about it. It would mean putting me under, take about 6 hrs, recovery time about 6 weeks, blah blah blah. At the House Ear Clinic, they pioneered this surgery, total time is about 40 minutes with laser and you can jump on a plane 48 hrs later. I elected to go to LA. When I told my Dr. he was mad and told me he will refuse me as a patient if I go down there. I told him that is no loss for me as he let me go deaf for 10 fucking years when it was not necessary and I don't have confidence in his surgical skills or that he is concerned about providing the best care for his patients. Dr. E is more ego than physican. I went to LA 3 years ago, had both ears done (not at the same time) and I can hear again, not totally normal but I'm damn happy with the results.
The other thing I think about is the day I ended up in the emergency room (07/04/95) thinking I may be having a stroke or something. I had been feeling REALLY bad, sick, dizzy, head hurting, limbs not working, weak, weak, weak. Something was not right, hadn't been for awhile but this was worse than ever. Diagnosed with multiple sclerosis on 07/07/95, my birthday. Turned into a semi-vegetable. Took a long time to recover. Lost myself physically, didn't even look the same, medications made me look like the Stay-Puff marshmallow guy. Husband split, couldn't handle the new, sick me. Dr's said I was weak and frail and do NOT excercise or do ANYTHING stressfull and wrote perscriptions for everything from sleeping pills, anti-depressants to pain meds to stumulants. I refused them all except for the actual medication for MS itself. Last thing I needed to be was a junkie. Started on MS med which was a low-dose cancer chemotherapy drug, made me sick EVERY DAY, hair loss, liver out of whack.
Quit that med, quit the doctors, quit the ms self help groups, quit the social security disability process, started working again, went back to school, gathered my kids close to me, reached for a little of who I used to be. Became weak and frail phycially, but strong in spirit. A different, more mature strength than I had before.
Met a guy, told him the 1st time he took me to lunch about me, laid it all out, I wasn't going to let anyone get close to me without knowing EXACTLY what I was. I will never forget the look on his face, the color drained totally out of his face, I have never seen anything like that. I said thank you for his time and lunch and walked away. But it was good, because I'm not much for bullshit and didn't have any interest in games or relationships. I had myself and my kids to take care of. I had no time for anyone else. He called me a few days later and kept on calling. I found a dr that was ok with not making me into a junkie and a MS drug that didn't make me sick. Started living again.
So my life has come in a circle, not a full circle, more of a spiral. I remember how phyically strong I used to be and I miss it. I know what I was and what I now am. I know running and biking would be a much different experience for me if I still had that physical strength. But part of the old me still remains. Like the rock climbing I used to do and the running and biking I do now, I have returned to doing things because they are hard to do...and Life Is Good.
Monday, July 10, 2006
I SUCK at mountain biking
Crashed yesterday, sore today. I'm slow, I hold everyone up, my balance and strength are non-existant. Big gash into my shin as well as bruises and aches in other spots. No damage to the BIKE though. I don't know how I ended up on my back facing the uphill after the crash when I was riding downhill, happened fast, I'm not even sure what went wrong. Got up and started riding again, what else could I do, cry? maybe I wanted to..because I suck.
I sold my Cannondale yesterday, 750 smackers.
I sold my Cannondale yesterday, 750 smackers.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
39 Years - Beer and Birthday
My birthday 07/07, Hiked in to a Yurt in Eagle River. No bikes allows, had to hike in. Lots of bears, lots of beer. Since no bikes allowed, it's a Beer and Birthday shot instead. This is one of my favorite beers, Octoberfest Spaten.
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